july 2012 – monthly theme posts – family building

Here are the entries from your fellow PAIL Bloggers for the July monthly theme post. These posts run the gamut, from excitement to fear, from confidence to reluctance, and from lacing back up to being done the race. We thank you all so much for sharing your thoughts on this complex topic with us. We know it isn’t easy.

Visit and comment at your leisure! (This post will stay on the main page for a week and then be moved to the drop down menu in the pink toolbar in case you missed anything or want to come back for more!)

Suggested prompts:

  • Have you completed your family building or are you considering trying to add another child to your family?
  • What does your “complete” family look like? Has this changed along your ALI journey?
  • Do you think there is such a thing as “optimal” child-spacing? What do you think this is, and what do you base it on?
  • Are you factoring in how far apart your children would be in your decision to start trying again? How so?
  • If you are planning to add to your family, what considerations must you take into account (i.e. beginning treatment again, pursuing adoption again, finances, etc.)
  • Knowing what you know now, what are your emotional considerations in trying for a second (or third, or fourth, etc.)? This is a very large and difficult question, and may have a variety of answers within the same individual.

Contributing bloggers:

  1. Coco over at Fruit Snacks and Freezer Jam feels the clock ticking and gives us her thoughts on fairly tales, special effects, and trying to have more children in her post this month.
  2. Julia from 3 Bed, 2 Bath, 1 Baby  talks about how her plans for another baby are complicated because of the peace and stability of her household, but is torn because of her undefinable desire to have another in her post “Are you going to give Ethan a brother?”
  3. Traathy at They All Lived has this to say:  “Oh hellllll no”
  4. Sarah of Mommyhood After Fertility Frustration gives us insight into how the “…parents of a miracle IVF baby decide to move forward with treatment to give their miracle a sibling or 2 or 3...” in her post.
  5. Kalyn from The Kasun Family describes how her childhood and family structure has impacted her considerations on family building.
  6. Geek of Baby and the Geeks doubts she’ll want to go through the process of baby making again after she’s lost all control of her baby’s impending birth and the plans for it, as outlined in her post “Control“.
  7. Heather at The Road Less Traveled tell us in her post that “Being a mom is what I was meant to do. I am cautious, but still excited about trying for #2 and having 2 babies under 2.”
  8. AS (aka Mira’s Mama) writes about feeling peace with being a family of three and trying to put away old, irrational fears about having an only child.
  9. Kerri (aka uncommonnonsense1) of Uncommon Nonsense asks an important question in her post, Birth Control? Really? Do infertiles have the luxury of child spacing and family planning?
  10. Kacey from Recipe for a Baby is wondering what comes next: Our Family Building journey with FET.
  11. AL over at Mission: Motherhood submitted another thoughtful post on further consideration on family building. Also be sure to check out her PAIL featured post “gun shy” about her conflicting emotions surrounding the process.
  12. Gemini Momma from Three Geminis and a Sagittarius details her thoughts on adding to a family when you already have twins after infertility (“You’ve Lost Your Ever Lovin’ Mind” she says.) And on worrying in pregnancy, wishing for do-overs and requesting time machines.
  13. Erin of Dreaming of Babies says in her theme post that they would love to add to our family, but various factors may prevent that from happening.
  14. Ashley over at Traditionally Nontraditional tells that she is “…adding to our family sooner rather than later and doing it not only for The Hubbs and I but for Jackson” in her submission.
  15. Courtney from All the Sun For You says that “…with an ambivalent heart, it’s time for us to just jump in and try our IVF luck again to give our son a much needed little friend” in her post “Considering Our Family“.
  16. Angela from Three is a Magic Number describes her post as “Our emotional journey from successfully having a baby and no way in hell are we doing that again, to well… maybe, to JUST KIDDING.” (Note: password = PAIL)
  17. Josey of My Cheap Version of Therapy says that though she is “…infinitely happy with one child, part of me would still love to give Stella a sibling. Will my body work on its own this time? Will we use ART? Adoption? Nothing? Who knows…
  18. Stephanie at Blawnde’s Blog shares her thoughts on adding another baby to their family, and how TTC is different this time around in her theme post.
  19. SRB from Little Chicken Nugget frames her considerations on family building in three acts, with an unexpected plot twist in her post “adding an ‘s’“.
  20. We received  a comment from reader “A.” on the callout post that I encourage you to read. A. does not have a blog, but had some thoughts to share with us, so feel free to use that comment thread if you would like to respond to her.
  21. Artistmouse and her husband are flip-flopping on whether to try for baby #2.
  22. No Baby Ruth says “Call me naive if you must, but we’ll get #2 (and maybe #3?) some day” in her post “One Plus One Doesn’t Always Equal Two“.
  23. L from Life with L and J struggles to know when the time is right to try for #2 after conceiving their son through IUI.
  24. Mrs. Gamgee shares her reasoning behind taking permanent measures to prevent future pregnancies with us in her post “The Future of the Gamgee Clan“.
  25. Christina at According To C says that with just a couple of weeks to go before having their first baby, they’re already thinking about having a second!
  26. Julie Anita from The Adventures of Chicken and Ham is struggling with deciding whether to bet on, or against her fertility when deciding how soon to start TTC #3 in her post “More Babies Come Tumbling Down the Conveyor Belt.”
  27. Miss Mac from MAC and PC tells us why her family feels complete in her submission.
  28. Missy at My Scarlet Baby talks about redefining her blogging, considerations on adopting a second child, and wanting to close the chapter on family building.
  29. Esperanza of Stumbling Gracefully shares her thoughts with us in The Long Road to Now(here).
  30. Sunnymama (new to the blogroll!) has written about coming to terms with most likely not being able to give her son a sibling. Pop on over to lend your ear and say hello.
  31. MomPharmD wrote about the surprise early pregnancy that might just end the “when are you having another?” queries, and how scary that remains after three losses.
  32. Buck Up, Buttercup write answered a Q&A about her family building plans in “Baby Number Three?
  33. missohkay discusses fear, RPL and a second adoption in her post “Fear is the path to dark side“, featuring Star Wars references and the colour orange.
  34. Bethany at Cloudy with a Chance of Infertility gives us her thoughts with a 9 week old.


Did we forget you? Do you have a post you still want to share? Let us know in the comments below or contact us!

Do you have an idea for a future theme post topic? Let us know that too in the open thread!


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  1. WOW – 29 entries!!!!! I’ve got to get reading!

    GREAT topic 🙂

  2. I just posted on my blog about coming to terms with most likely not being able to give my son a sibling and then found the July monthly prompt was about family building. Is it too late to include my post? I just joined PAIL this week so not really sure how it works yet. Looking forward to reading more! 🙂 This is my post: http://sunnydaytodaymama.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/sharing-hope-where-theres-tea-theres.html

  3. Slow-poke me wrote about this theme too at http://mompharmd.blogspot.com/2012/07/so-when-are-you-going-to-have-another.html on the surprise early pregnancy that might just end the “when are you having another?” queries, and how scary that remains after three losses.

  4. I barely made it in July, let alone by the deadline, but here’s mine! http://missohkay.wordpress.com/2012/07/28/fear-is-the-path-to-the-dark-side/


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  2. […] monthly theme post listing on Family Planning is up! There are a lot of entries this month, so pop back over and read any you […]

  3. […] I was reading this post by traathy (someone I recently started following after this month’s theme post, and a fellow Canuck!), and then a day or so later this post came up on my personal Twitter feed. […]

  4. […] I would give anything to be able to go back and do it again, knowing what I know now – that it all will really be okay. Better yet, I want to eat pickles and ice cream and complain about my sore back and swelling cankles and whine when I get to 39 weeks and I’m STILL PREGNANT. I didn’t get to do any of those things. Mostly because I was too busy consulting Dr. Google about every little thing that came up. Or going to my umpteenth ultrasound and cervical check. Or having babies prematurely, before I even had time to settle into the third trimester woes. It’s hard to complain when the end result is so fantastic. And the logical side of me clearly understands there’s no going back. No “do-overs”. Once the kid is out of the womb, they are out. of. the. womb. So instead I fantasize a little about how different it might be to be pregnant a second time around. Pregnant with our third child. A singleton. Maybe there would be fewer complications and less fear if it wasn’t a high risk twin pregnancy. And let me be brutally honest: would I be somehow less invested in the pregnancy (and therefore less anxious), knowing I already have two children? (It’s an ugly thought, and I kind of doubt it, knowing how hard seeing that heartbeat on the ultrasound hits you with an instant LOVE WHAMO! but how could I know for sure how I might feel during this fantasy pregnancy I’ve cooked up?) Maybe the fact that I’d be busy with two toddlers would keep me away from Dr. Google. Maybe I’d make it deeper into the third trimester and get to complain about cankles. I don’t want more kids, but I do want a do-over. Or else a time machine, to transport myself back in time so I can tell the anxious pregnant me of the past that it will all be okay and just to enjoy the pregnancy I was blessed to have. To sum it all up: Super happy with our two kids. Family complete. May add dog at some point. Wish I hadn’t wasted away the only pregnancy of my life worrying. Time machine would be nice, but just icing on the cake at this point. The end. This post is in response to PAIL’s July theme post!  […]

  5. […] This post is part of PAIL‘s Monthly Theme Post prompt for July: “Family Planning“ […]

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