featured post: “Just What I Needed” by All the Sun For You

I will begin with an admission. I am having a very hard time lately, despite being magically pregnant. In fact, because of it. There are a lot of residual and unresolved feelings about our IF journey bubbling to the surface, with anger being chief among them. All the anger about things that were said, and never said, and never will be said.  If you read my blog, you know that I struggle very deeply with how to even go about posting about it. So instead, I bottle it all up and internalize it.

During one of these “Rage Simmers”, locked in the bathroom and flipping through my reader as a distraction, I read this post by Courtney at All the Sun For You. Now, I also need to admit that Courtney is a very close blog friend of mine, and has been an invaluable source of support for me via email as I don’t have the courage to blog about all the shitty parts of my IF journey. Usually, when I am feeling like I was, I seek out posts that validate that. So I began to read her post and was feeling that “Oh, yes. TOTALLY!” feeling of having a hard time with a random pregnancy announcement:

The reason being that when I was thinking of staying home with Matthew, I ran into this acquaintance and very excitedly told her that I was thinking of being a SAHM and she literally asked, “why would you want to do that?” while holding her 2 month old baby… I didn’t like that.  And now she gets a surprise baby?  BITTERNESS.

As I am also feeling some judgment (note: feeling versus actually being judged, but it still brings me down) on my decision to be a SAHM, coupled with the Rage Simmer, I was just eating it up. Like, exaggerated nodding and finger snapping style. And then, Courtney stopped me in my tracks. She goes to explain that the very next day she had an overwhelmingly positive experience at her RE’s office in preparation for their upcoming FET. She describes in wonderful detail how every single person in that office helped her and B have their son, and how much she appreciates that.

I accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish, and I saw all the people I wanted to see.

And I thanked my lucky stars that I do not have an “oopsie baby” on the way.  That I need these people to help me grow my family.  That I’ve made connections with these wonderful people who make building other people’s families their life’s work.

And now, for my final admission. I cried. I cried a lot. This post gave me perspective. This post inspired me to look at things with eyes wide open, beyond the narrowed focus of my anger. This post helped me realize that while I couldn’t find understanding then, I know there is support now. This post showed me just how far so many of us has come in our journeys, and how while our diagnoses remain the same, our attitudes about beginning treatment again can be so very different from the first time. Courtney’s outlook and general attitude on life never ceases to amaze me. Her energy gives me energy. And, as always, a very gentle kick in the butt.

This was just what I needed. I think you should check it out.

Please head over to All the Sun For You and check out “Just What I Needed.” Comments on this thread will be closed in an effort for you to connect with Courtney directly and share your thoughts with her.

*****

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  1. […] highlighted a post by Courtney at All the Sun For You on her attitude about TTC #2 and the fact that it will take help from a team of  ”wonderful people who make building […]

  2. […] Just What I Needed by Courtney (judgment, perspectives on parenting) […]

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