featured post: “She Looks Just Like Her Daddy” by My New Normal

I am the spitting image of my mother. No joke. People see pictures of my Mom at my age, and they think it’s me. My youngest brother is the spitting image of my father. Same thing – you could literally mistake them for each other in pictures.

Because of this, I always thought we had “strong genes” or something (yes, I know this isn’t a real thing, but just work with me here), and I assumed any kid of mine would come out looking like me, especially if we had a girl.

Um, no. My child is 100% her daddy, and as cute as I think my husband is, there are definitely days that it makes me a little sad.

That’s why when I started reading this post by My New Normal (who I have never followed before – I found her while cruising through the PAIL blogroll this week and wasn’t aware of her TTC story), I was figuring it was your typical post about your kid looking nothing like you and kind of wishing s/he did. Then I got to this line…

There’s just this one small thing….. she doesn’t look at all like me…. and she won’t… because we used an egg donor.

Okay, so that’s a twist I wasn’t expecting.

…when someone says to me, “I hate to say this but I don’t see any of you in her, I only see her Daddy,” or, “That’s not your face I see, it’s got to be her Father’s,” it feels like a tiny stab in my heart. These people with their innocent comments. Well meaning, and quite accurate in their assessment that she looks nothing like me. They are right, and for some reason that bothers me.

It never ceases to amaze me how little we know about those around us, and how our innocent comments could be hurting the person we are talking to, without us ever having a clue. This obviously extends to situations way beyond the ALI world, and it’s a good reminder to be careful of what we say to others when we might not know their full stories.

To read My New Normal‘s full post “She Looks Just Like Her Daddy” and chime in with your thoughts, visit Finding My New Normal. Comments here are closed to encourage everyone to connect directly with her.


My New Normal in her own words: I’m an American living in London with my amazing husband. We have had a great life with lots of adventures, love, and fun. On August 13, 2010 our lives were shattered when we lost our son at 36 weeks pregnant. After struggling with infertility for many years, we thought we were finally going to have our miracle baby. Sadly, this is not what happened and I struggle every day to make sense of it all. But I am determined to get my life back. Not my old life of course, but a new life,,, a new normal. I have no idea how I am going to find it yet but I just know I will. We decided to try again using an egg donor. In October of 2011 we got the wonderful news that I was pregnant again. I quickly realized that pregnancy after loss is no walk in the park. But somehow we got through it and were overjoyed when our rainbow baby was born in June 2012. Her blog name is “Frostina” and she is the joy in our hearts.

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  1. […] She Looks Just Like Her Daddy by My New Normal (donor eggs, parenting) […]

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