october 2012 – monthly theme post – obsessed with babies

This month’s theme title is “Obsessed with Babies”.  I cannot type the word “obsessed” without hearing the Mariah Carey song of that name.  Such a good song…shut up!  I also like ‘Dave Matthews’ and ‘Dropkick Murphys’ go ahead and judge my musical tastes!

But I digress…this month’s theme is something that has been on my mind lately.  Prior to having our kiddo I was already very interested in early childhood development, particularly infant development.  Infertility and being a foster parent only strengthened those interests.  I want to know E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G about babies and how they develop.  Anything from how to best introduce solids, baby sign language, baby wearing, language development, sleep needs, it goes on…

But what has most especially been on my brain of late is the choices we make, or don’t make, once we get the IF diagnosis and become parents.  For me, and maybe for many of you, the IF diagnosis shifted the axis of my reality.  I always wanted to be a Mom, but after learning we would struggle to have kids, it became ALL I wanted.  We’ve always wanted to travel, and possibly work abroad, but now it became a question of ‘would that inhibit our ability to have kids?’ I have a master’s degree and have always wanted to go back for a PhD.  And I have had a really good idea for a dissertation topic. But now with Stella in our life I worry if I enter into a PhD program would that restrict our ability to try for more kids?  A PhD program is demanding, and while it’s not fair, the fact is, it is more constricting on a woman who wants a family.  Most women are advised to not have children until they are at least in the writing stage of their program, which takes about 2-3 years to get to. I worry if I did enroll in such a program the demands would make me have to choose, PhD, or more kids, but not both at the same time.  And would I need to put Stella in daycare to go back to school?  Another thing I can’t even consider right now.

Every decision I make, always goes back to the thought ‘how will this affect our child and any future kids we want?’ Perhaps this is a thought every parent has, ALI or not, but I think it rings especially true for us ALI-ers. And so I obsess.  Literally. I run through a million different scenarios in my head of how many children I think I want, when should we start trying again, what if we struggle again for years, what if we can’t have anymore? I obsess.

I don’t have answers yet.  I know I want more kids, and that for me, is part of the obsession.  But I have to be honest with myself, I have to also admit that part of me also obsesses over the ‘other’.  The what else I could be doing if I hadn’t been stuck with this IF diagnosis.  If we could just get preggo without worry and treatments would I feel freer to pursue further education or other interests in my life?  Would the urge to be uber-Mom be as strong?

Here is a little musical inspiration for you as you consider the writing prompts below:


This topic can be taken many ways, and maybe for you your response is a lack of  resonating with this topic, but here are some prompts to get you started:

  • Since traveling the ALI journey have you found yourself “obsessing” over all things babies?
  • Do you find yourself researching all things child-related, from toys, to food choices, to child-raising methodologies?
  • What choices have you made, or not made, as a result of your ALI journey?
  • Do you obsess over your child’s health, development, socialization, etc?
  • Do you obsess over adding to your family?

Feel free to write your own spin on this, using the prompts or not.  Entries are due by Wednesday October 24th at midnight. The full list of links will be posted on Thursday, October 25th. Fill out the form below to submit your post.



  1. Oooohhh. I’m not even sure where to begin on this topic. Will think some THOUGHTS and start writing.

  2. I wasn’t sure what this topic would look like fleshed out when I first saw it in the spreadsheet…but I’m thinking about it in a totally different and unexpected way. Lots to think about.

  3. What? No comments about my AWESOME musical tastes? I made the DH listen to this song like 10 times while I was writing it, he luuuuuurves it now. Or hates. It’s a fine line.

  4. Oh goodness my crazies are going to come out now…..

  5. I just wanted to encourage you to do that phd someday! Maybe not right now, but someday. My mom earned an MD with 3 kids and my MIL earned a phd with a couple. Phd programs are far more flexible than most graduate programs

    • I agree! One of the women in my PharmD class is mom to now 7 (2 stepkids in college, senior in high school, and 4 in elementary school/diapers), including a baby. You can do it! And, I personally think it’s beneficial for kids to see parents reach their dreams through hard work.

  6. I have a PhD and grad school is probably the easiest time to have a baby. I don’t know who is telling you to wait until the writing stage, but I see no reason to wait. In my experience, there is no “good” time to have a baby for someone who also wants a career. You just do it and find a way to make it work.


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