featured post: “I became a mother, and died to live” by Renegade Mothering

Last week, Stephanie of Blawnde’s Blawg sent us a link to a post by renegademama entitled “I became a mother and died to live.” She said, “I think many of us struggle with our identity once we become mothers. This article portrays in a beautiful, yet funny at times, way of how it is the most challenging, rewarding, heartbreaking, breathtaking moment. And that moment doesn’t go away. It is with you daily, and you realize that all along this person, who is now a mother, was always there.” Here at PAIL, we decided that Stephanie was spot on with her recommendation of this post, and we are pleased to share it as our Featured Post for the week!

renegademama starts off her post by describing what a huge transition it is to become a parent.

You know, when we hear those words we hear them like it’s no big deal – “become a mother,” like you might “become a doctor” or “become a pet owner.” As if it’s just this thing that happens, without anything else happening – it’s just this exciting addition to one’s life. You add this new thing and go about your business.

However, she goes on to say…

What I’m saying is that it seems to me that every woman who becomes a mother, no matter how much she loves her kid or wants to be a mom, will most likely, at some point, mourn the loss of her previous identity.

And it will hurt.

Um, sucker punch me in the gut, whydontcha?

I sometimes wonder if people coming from the ALI journey perspective find this particular sentiment even harder to acknowledge than the average mother. From what I’ve read on friend’s blogs and from what I’ve felt myself, it seems that we often feel we’re being “ungrateful” if we acknowledge that this life change that we hoped and prayed for can actually be HARD and feel really isolating at times. Your friends don’t invite you to events, you can’t just up and leave and run an errand, it’s hard to keep up with the physical and emotional intimacy of your relationships…there are a multitude of situations that can make us miss the “before” times – but that doesn’t mean we don’t love our kids. Why is that so hard to say out loud though?

There is so much more to this blog post – I feel like I could copy/paste the entire thing here, but that would defeat the purpose now, wouldn’t it? As always, comments here are closed so you can go visit Janelle (renegademama). Please head over and read her original post and share your thoughts there!


Janelle @ Renegade Mothering in her own words:

I am a 32 year old woman and a mother and a wife. My favorite line from any song ever is “Everybody who’s anybody in my opinion, at one time, lived in somebody’s hallway.” Since I once lived in a hallway (I think), I must be somebody. Therefore, I should write a blog.

I have no pieces of wisdom or advice on mothering and I definitely don’t have any “straightforward parenting tips.” People who have straightforward parenting tips are generally full of shit.  I don’t know what I’m doing as a mother or on earth. If you know, please tell me. Actually no. Don’t.

To read more of her bio, click here!


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