mothering, a tribute to the cause – (chon)

This time of the year is all about honoring mothers. Over the next two weeks, we have International Bereaved Mothers Day (May 5), Birth Mother’s Day (May 11), Mother’s Day (May 12), and Step Mother’s Day (May 19). In recognition of this, we will be featuring a different post every day this week from a PAIL reader who has volunteered to share her thoughts about mothering. We hope you enjoy reading everyone’s posts this week! 

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About this mothering gig

I have been sitting here this past week wondering what I could write about when it comes to mothering. Do I talk about my working mama life now and how much it has impacted my mothering role, do I talk about mothering and what it means to me or do I talk about the different styles of mothering? None of those topics appealed to me. As the deadline started drawing closer I was thinking what on earth do I talk about?

Then last night on the TV I was flicking as you do and The Biggest Loser came up on the screen.  This year TBL is all about families with mum’s and dad’s paired with a child in a battle to overcome weight loss. I’ll be honest I struggle sometimes with watching this series because I want to slap these kids into next Sunday. These parents will do anything for their children and this do anything has led in a large part to ignoring the obesity issues the children are faced with now. Although, are the parents responsible for their children’s weight? Well, no not really. Perhaps when they are still under the age of 18, then yes to a certain extent but once they are adults I think that the children need to be more responsible for themselves. And the kids on this show they aren’t 12 they range between 18-28 with one young boy on the show who is 15.

I haven’t really got to the point of all of this have I? Work with me here.

In last nights episode the eliminated parents and children had to work together to try and make it back it to the game and they were squabbling (as parents and children are prone to do) and the camera turns to my favourite trainer and with her nose scrunched up in disgust she says something along the lines of oh, no wonder why these children have turned out so bad, look at the way they [the parents] coddle them, look at the way they never parent they let the child do the ordering about and just look at this in all of her judgmental judgieness.

The thing is she isn’t a parent and one thing I have learned from this mothering gig is that sometimes it doesn’t always turn out the way that you picture it in your head.

Those parents love their kids and it is easy when we have tiny babies or no children at all to sit back and say self righteously oh my goodness look at what they are doing I would never do that.However, sometimes the things you swear you would never do, you might just do.

Mothering ebbs and flows in a constant ever changing pattern. Some weeks you puff your chest out and say I am the greatest parent ever and other days you want to crawl under the bed covers and watch as the clock slowly clicks to five o’clock when your partner comes home and mercifully takes over because you can’t stand one more second.

You will do anything for these children of yours. And whilst letting them get to obese status is probably not the most clever thing you can do as a parent you don’t do it because you don’t care about them it’s just sometimes the carefully scripted plan you had in your head doesn’t actually turn out in reality.

I know that I was one that sat back and said a lot of the time “I would never, I will never” but until you’ve pulled on the big boots of parenting holy mother of god you have no idea what you are in for. Mothering means being able to change as necessary and do things you didn’t think you would. I say this as the cacophony of noise from brightly coloured toys ring in the background, toys I didn’t really want my daughter to play with but are her favourite toys none the less.

Mothering and parenting changes you.

It softens and hardens you.

It changes your whole perspective on life.

It is difficult and rewarding.

As a mother it is my responsibility to put Molly on the right path I think is for her and then to teach her how to travel up the path on her own.

Just as my infertility irrevocably changed me as a person, mothering has changed me more so.

What are my thoughts on mothering? To take each day as it comes, to learn from my daughter, to teach my daughter, to take the good with the bad and I guess lastly, to let her eat ;)

chonChon of Life Begins is a mommy to Molly after 3 years of TTC and 6 attempts at IVF. Her daughter was diagnosed with hip dysplasia at  6 weeks, but she has now been given the all clear! She is happy to talk about her vagina and infertility to anyone, anywhere, anytime. 

This post was originally posted here on Life Begins.

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Comments

  1. I LOVE CHON.

  2. I’ve definitely learned to NEVER say “I’d never….” — because you never know how that opinion will change in the middle of the night or the middle of a breakdown. Motherhood is such a learning process. Eek!

    • It constantly amazes me how much it changes all.the.time.

      We had our first temper tantrum with food the other day. Originally I was all (before children) you will eat it young lady and then I was (after children) oh man eat a banana if that makes you happy because I don’t want to be sitting here on a Saturday listening to your bloody screaming.

      mother of the year 😉

  3. yep, never say never! I’ve very much learned the same, you don’t know til you’re there!

    • I feel bad sometimes thinking it because I despised it when I was struggling when people looked at me with a knowing look – the thing is you really don’t know how you will act till you are there. So maybe, when I try for #2 and I say when I have two babies I will be so cool calm and collected I will acknowledge that I probably wont be 😉

  4. In the first week Seedling was home I did the NUMBER ONE thing I has always judged parents for and SWORE I’d never do: I decided to try co-sleeping. And loved it! A very humbling way to start out parenthood 🙂

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