featured post– “Laying it out there…” by E

Many of the posts we feature here on PAIL center around the cacophony of negative feelings that encircle IF and loss. In her recent post “Laying it all out there…“, E of Dreaming of Babies hits on three common emotions– guilt, despair and fear– with a twist:

I am crushed by the news that I will be having a hysterectomy at the time of baby girls birth. We did get a second opinion – and well, they have the same opinion; he would be “very worried” about this accreta as it looks “bad” – his treatment plan would be no different as it would likely be the only way to save my life.

E has one other daughter using an egg donor and a four-year history with IF and loss, and now she is dealing with a dangerous pregnancy condition. No one who has been dealt the IF and/or loss hand has escaped some measure of bad luck, but boy, some people really seem to get it layered on. Family planning is often warped and unrecognizable by the time IF is done with it, and many of us have our vision of our “finalized families” forever changed. It seems extra, well, shitty when it happens from a double whammy of both infertility and a rare pregnancy complication.

I am so, so worried that I will always be at least a little bit sad about this. I really wanted to have one more baby after this – or at least have the option to TRY to have one more. Am I going to always be sad on her birthday? viewing it as the day that one dream came true but another was destroyed?

Having to permanently lose one’s chance at ever experiencing another much-wanted pregnancy must be devastating, and even more so after such a long uphill battle. Please pop over to Dreaming of Babies and leave E a message of support or share your experience in response to her post “Laying it out there…” As always, comments will be closed here.


E, in her own words: Enjoying being a mom to our beautiful little girl – brought to us courtesy of DE IVF after a diagnosis of POF. Now, with a surprise miracle pregnancy, we anxiously await the arrival of her baby sister. I’ve been struggling with where I fit in with the IF community until this recent diagnosis which will result in a hysterectomy when baby girl 2 is born.


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