weekly summary, vol. 49

PAIL Special Announcements/Reminders:

  • On our blogroll? Help your readers find us! Post the PAIL icon! If you need help figuring out how to post the button, click here for details. If you are having issues, you can always contact us and we will do our best to put on our tech support hats and solve the problem for you. :)

PAIL Posts This Week:

PAIL Featured Post:

  • PAIL’s Monthly Post listing on “Body Image” is up! There are some powerful posts in that list, so you may want to sit with your favorite potent-beverage-of-choice and some uninterrupted computer time to read them. Or is that just me?

New Blogroll Members:

  • Bastcoyote— I’m snarky and pregnant for the 3rd time after 2 miscarriages and 4 rounds of IVF. Pregnancy may actually be making me snarkier. Currently pregnant & due December, 2013.

Welcome, Bastcoyote!

Stay Connected:

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Share. Visit. Read. Comment. Support.

weekly summary, vol. 48

PAIL Special Announcements/Reminders:

  • On our blogroll? Help your readers find us! Post the PAIL icon! If you need help figuring out how to post the button, click here for details. If you are having issues, you can always contact us and we will do our best to put on our tech support hats and solve the problem for you. :)
  • Check out our “Mothering: A Tribute To The Cause” wrap-up on all things Mothers’ Day from the past week. Thank you to the seven bloggers who shared their intimate thoughts on this very complicated and often bittersweet holiday.
  • It’s Monthly Theme Post time again! May’s theme is “Body Image”–  just in time for the upcoming bathing suit season, am I right? I don’t know that I’ve ever met a single woman who has no opinion on this, but in case you need help getting started, Josey‘s write-up features a whole slew of questions to get the hamster wheel spinning. Check it out, think about it, and come back to share your thoughts and experiences with us!

PAIL Posts This Week:

  • This week, Sam of The Cass Family took over our Monday Snapshot with a neat photo comparison of her son from his newborn days to now at a year and a half. My girls are the same age and I’ve been sneaking peeks back at their old newborn photos, so this hits me right in the soft stuff. (If you haven’t hosted a Monday Snapshot post yet, be sure to click the link below under “Stay Connected” to sign up!)
  • Josey shared with us a very popular recent post by Pastor Steve Wiens, who writes about infertility from the male partner’s perspective, on “Ten Words That Describe Infertility.” This one has been passed around online quite a bit lately as it seems to have resonated with a lot of people, and Josey gives us a space to share amongst ourselves– what three words define infertility for you?

PAIL Featured Post:

  • This week, Chandra featured a Mothers’ Day-themed post from Serene Jones entitled “Worst Expectations: Motherhood Lost,” touching on the very real experience of Mothers’ Day for those who have lost a much-wanted child, be it through pregnancy loss, failed adoption, or another loss.

New Blogroll Members:

Stay Connected:

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featured post– “Laying it out there…” by E

Many of the posts we feature here on PAIL center around the cacophony of negative feelings that encircle IF and loss. In her recent post “Laying it all out there…“, E of Dreaming of Babies hits on three common emotions– guilt, despair and fear– with a twist:

I am crushed by the news that I will be having a hysterectomy at the time of baby girls birth. We did get a second opinion – and well, they have the same opinion; he would be “very worried” about this accreta as it looks “bad” – his treatment plan would be no different as it would likely be the only way to save my life.

E has one other daughter using an egg donor and a four-year history with IF and loss, and now she is dealing with a dangerous pregnancy condition. No one who has been dealt the IF and/or loss hand has escaped some measure of bad luck, but boy, some people really seem to get it layered on. Family planning is often warped and unrecognizable by the time IF is done with it, and many of us have our vision of our “finalized families” forever changed. It seems extra, well, shitty when it happens from a double whammy of both infertility and a rare pregnancy complication.

I am so, so worried that I will always be at least a little bit sad about this. I really wanted to have one more baby after this – or at least have the option to TRY to have one more. Am I going to always be sad on her birthday? viewing it as the day that one dream came true but another was destroyed?

Having to permanently lose one’s chance at ever experiencing another much-wanted pregnancy must be devastating, and even more so after such a long uphill battle. Please pop over to Dreaming of Babies and leave E a message of support or share your experience in response to her post “Laying it out there…” As always, comments will be closed here.

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E, in her own words: Enjoying being a mom to our beautiful little girl – brought to us courtesy of DE IVF after a diagnosis of POF. Now, with a surprise miracle pregnancy, we anxiously await the arrival of her baby sister. I’ve been struggling with where I fit in with the IF community until this recent diagnosis which will result in a hysterectomy when baby girl 2 is born.

*****

Share. Visit. Read. Comment. Support.

featured post: “join the movement” by miss ohkay

RESOLVE’s National Infertility Awareness Week has drawn to a close, and some of you have written some fantastic posts about this year’s theme “Join the Movement.” We’ll be posting links to your submitted posts in just a few days, and today’s Featured Post by a PAIL Blogger is one of them.

Of course, the cause of infertility is near and dear to our hearts here at PAIL, but  this year’s theme “Join the Movement” is a particularly important one since we’re in the business of not just talking about infertility and loss, but building a community around it and sharing with one another. We’re part of the movement year-round and all of you are, too! Part of community is belonging, and this past week’s post “Join the Movement” by Miss Ohkay at The Misadventures of Miss Ohkay was spot-on with the nuances of both technically belonging and emotionally belonging.

Miss Ohkay writes:

But before you can join the movement, you must feel like you belong.

You may not feel like you do. Maybe you haven’t been trying to conceive for very long as compared to others. Maybe you’ve been too nervous to see a reproductive endocrinologist (RE). Maybe you can get pregnant easily but have multiple miscarriages. Maybe you reached a resolution with minimal treatments. Maybe you had a child already without medical intervention but now you’re having trouble conceiving again (secondary infertility). Maybe your diagnosis is unexplained. Maybe you resolved to live child-free. Maybe your infertility stems from your partner’s diagnosis and not your own…

…I do belong, even if I have to talk myself into believing it. Everyone’s infertility journey is different. Everyone’s diagnosis is different. Everyone’s desire and ability to pursue certain courses of treatment is different. Everyone’s outcomes are different. But we are part of this movement together.

(That’s a shameful consolidation of her words, because her post is so perfectly phrased it’s hard to fight the temptation to repost the entire thing here!)

Belonging means a lot of different things to all of us, and similarly, we all occupy a range of reasons for being here in the infertility & loss community. But it’s important to remember that we are still all a part of it if we want to be, however we choose to participate:

Initially, I joined the movement to help myself. I didn’t know anyone my age who’d had a miscarriage. I felt alone and needed support. Now that my daughter arrived via adoption, I don’t need as much support. But I stay in the movement to support others, so they feel less alone.

Please visit Miss Ohkay at her blog and read her full post “Join the Movement.” It got me thinking reflectively about how I feel about my role in “the movement” and what the movement gives back to me. As always, comments here will be closed to encourage feedback directly to Miss Ohkay.

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Miss Ohkay, in her own words: Adoptive mama. Recurrent miscarrier. Blogger. Lawyer. Book reader. Music lover. Political junkie.

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Share. Visit. Read. Comment. Support.

 

weekly summary, vol. 45

PAIL Special Announcements/Reminders:

PAIL Posts This Week:

  • It’s tough getting out with two little ones, but Kacey was inspired by the beautiful weather– come see how she enjoyed the lingering warmth of an Aussie fall (with a bonus cute photo of some sweet boys) in this installment of Traathy‘s Monday Snapshot series.
  • Chandra wrote a touching and revealing write-up of this week’s PAILblogger-submitted news item, “Grand Losses: Musings on My Miscarriages.” (Thank you, Julia, for the recommendation!)

PAIL Featured Post:

  • Josey featured a post by Emma in Mommyland about returning to the NICU with gifts for her son’s first birthday, and how surprisingly emotional the experience was. If you missed it, please visit Emma at her blog to read and leave her a comment!

Stay Connected:

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