Birth Without Fear is one of my very favorite blogs to read. They support all types of birth experiences and help women who are working through their fears and healing from traumatic experiences. They routinely feature posts by their readers, and one they posted last week really spoke to me.
This post was written from the perspective of a woman (Elizabeth) who loved her birth experience so much that she became a doula and tried to help other women have the “awesome” experience that she did. However, she realized over the course of several years that even though she was parenting and working in the way she felt she was supposed to in order to be an “awesome mom” and “awesome doula,” she felt like she was drowning.
I slowly began to realize that my awesome mom status had very little to do with what I did. I started realizing that I wasn’t really taking care of me, of my marriage, and that caring for my children in a way that made me sacrifice my well being wouldn’t work out well in the long run.
That takes a lot of guts to admit that what one is doing isn’t working.
I won’t say it happened overnight, but I started to shift my thinking. I started to give myself permission to leave my clingy toddler for 30 minutes so I could exercise. I allowed my husband and I to hire a baby sitter for two hours so we had time for our marriage. I allowed myself the ability to enjoy a birth that was full of interventions. I happily congratulated moms who planned a C-section. I stopped trying to convince my doula clients to switch care providers. What I soon realized was that it was never about how something was done. It was always about how you feel about something.
So simple – and yet SO true.
We were all born with the ability to choose right and wrong. We were also born with the capacity to decide what is right and what is wrong. You can argue that there are biological or religious truths. You can say that we were created to be a certain way or do a certain thing. The fact remains that there will always be someone on the other end saying you are wrong. Ultimately, it is only your truth. And it is perfectly ok! It is just fine to look at your beliefs and hold strong convictions about them and design your life around them and then live that way. It is not ok to force others, belittle others, judge others, or push others into doing the same. And it is also ok to look at your own life and decide that maybe something isn’t working.
Please head over to Birth Without Fear and read the post in its entirety – it’s a great one! Then come back here and join in the discussion…
Do you give yourself “permission to love the imperfections?”
Do you find yourself judging how others live their lives? How do you work on living your own truth instead of trying to get others onto your page?
What did you think of Elizabeth’s post as a whole? Do you agree or disagree with its premise?
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Josey is mommy to Stella (born Dec.2011) after a two year TTC journey and a tentative Dx of lean PCOS and anovulation. Blessed to get a BFP with a Clomid + Menopur protocol IUI done at CCRM. Currently naturally pregnant with #2! Loves to travel and speak French, drink beer in the sun with her husband and friends, and enjoy all of the outdoor activities that life in Colorado has to offer.