featured post: ‘waves crashing’ by metholic’s blog

In her post, “waves crashing” at Metholic’s Blog, Chandra paints a stirring picture of how pregnancy after infertility reminds her of her deep love of growing up near the ocean, and how that love was tempered by the one time she was struck by a freak tidal wave.

Chandra has beautifully described both the elation and the fear of pregnancy after infertility and foster-parenting – the ebb and flow of worry and relief. Of joy and anxiety.

I wouldn’t let myself say “when the baby comes” but instead would say “when/if the baby comes”.  Because I couldn’t set myself up for that pain, I couldn’t just assume I was going to get a live healthy baby out of this.  I had to be on guard for a tidal wave.

I worry too about after the baby is here  … The focus has been for years to get to one thing: healthy, live, baby.  That is all you can think about, just get to that point and then you can breathe, then you can let it go, then you can just be a parent.  But with the women I’ve talked with, this isn’t the case.  It doesn’t just all magically go away.  And your brain, so focused, for so long, on just getting to the ‘baby’ part of it, doesn’t know what to do now that baby is here…Because for so long your anchor, your reality, was infertility, it became part of your identity, and now that identity is gone or at least drastically changed, which you are thankful for, but that doesn’t mean that it’s suddenly ‘all-better’.  You could still be cut, bruised, scarred.

Please head over to Metholic’s Blog to read the rest of Chandra’s powerful post about her experience of pregnancy after infertility and loss. Comments on this thread will be closed in an effort for you to connect with Chandra directly and share your thoughts with her.

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what now? life on “the other side”

You may have noticed that since moving to this new space, we have modified the PAIL acronym. “After” just didn’t quite feel right. And drawing on the many, many comments around the blogosphere these past few months, it didn’t quite feel right to many of you either. We settled on “through” as it felt a little more fluid. The ebb and flow of healing, of moving onward, however we may get there.

In the past few weeks, I have read a few powerful posts on the topic of healing. Each one began to stir the silt I had been letting settle but had not really begun to filter. The silt that makes my half-full/half-empty glass murky. The silt that IF and loss has eroded into my glass. A comment on one such post lead me to search for this article at Salon.com:

Now what? Life after cancer treatment by Mary Elizabeth Williams

I read it. And I wept. Not only because I had been reliving a lot of “old” feelings I have about losing a piece of my heart to cancer, but also because I think about losing a piece of my heart to infertility and loss all the time.

[Read more…]

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