In her post, “waves crashing” at Metholic’s Blog, Chandra paints a stirring picture of how pregnancy after infertility reminds her of her deep love of growing up near the ocean, and how that love was tempered by the one time she was struck by a freak tidal wave.
Chandra has beautifully described both the elation and the fear of pregnancy after infertility and foster-parenting – the ebb and flow of worry and relief. Of joy and anxiety.
I wouldn’t let myself say “when the baby comes” but instead would say “when/if the baby comes”. Because I couldn’t set myself up for that pain, I couldn’t just assume I was going to get a live healthy baby out of this. I had to be on guard for a tidal wave.
I worry too about after the baby is here … The focus has been for years to get to one thing: healthy, live, baby. That is all you can think about, just get to that point and then you can breathe, then you can let it go, then you can just be a parent. But with the women I’ve talked with, this isn’t the case. It doesn’t just all magically go away. And your brain, so focused, for so long, on just getting to the ‘baby’ part of it, doesn’t know what to do now that baby is here…Because for so long your anchor, your reality, was infertility, it became part of your identity, and now that identity is gone or at least drastically changed, which you are thankful for, but that doesn’t mean that it’s suddenly ‘all-better’. You could still be cut, bruised, scarred.
Please head over to Metholic’s Blog to read the rest of Chandra’s powerful post about her experience of pregnancy after infertility and loss. Comments on this thread will be closed in an effort for you to connect with Chandra directly and share your thoughts with her.
**If you have a post that you would like share, please post a link in the comments of the Featured Posts open thread for June, 2012.